Sunday, November 6, 2011

This Relationship Is Over

David Stern wants more money, but at what cost?
  
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and seen one of the female starlets have their friends encourage them to propose an ultimatum to their boyfriend? Or maybe you've actually been faced with an ultimatum. Basically, an ultimatum is a threat that a request be fulfilled in a specific time period. What's not mentioned in Webster's definition of ultimatum is that they never work.

Generally, an ultimatum is a desperate ploy used by hopeless girlfriends who are trying to get their boyfriends to finally ask them to get married. In most cases ultimatums fail, because the guy realizes that his girlfriend is insane and that their relationship probably would end up in a quick divorce and an endless battle over child custody.

More after the jump...

At this stage, the NBA owners are playing the role of the desperate girlfriend. They want the lockout to end, but they want it on their terms. Unfortunately for them, they failed to realize that the players aren't going down easily.

If you didn't think it could get any worse, it just did. Recent reports have stated that the NBA owners are looking for a 51-49 split from the players, and threatened to lower their offer to 47% later this week if the players don't take it. If I know these NBA players at all, the owners won't get anything but a well-timed middle-finger.

What the owners are overlooking is that the players are, by nature, competitors. All of these guys played on AAU teams. They're used to having the ball in their hands in the last minutes of games, whether those be at the elementary, middle, high school, collegiate or professional level. There's a reason why these players made it into the NBA: they're winners.

Hey David Stern, look at ESPN's front page headlines right now; the top 5 stories are currently on Football, NASCAR and Horse-racing (really, America? NASCAR?). Nowhere to be seen is any news about the Lockout. The reason for this is because nobody cares about the lockout. We've got football to watch on Saturdays and Sundays; we've got fantasy football to occupy ourselves when football isn't on. NCAA Basketball starts this week. Frankly, we're just fine with the state of sports right now, and as sports fans, we couldn't ask for anything better than a good old-fashioned football-filled November.

And that, my friends, is why this lockout is going to last until the summer of next year.

What the owners have going for them is the fact that they're rich billionaires who are highly entitled and self-absorbed. These people are used to hearing, "yes, Mr. Taylor. Do you want me to get that for you right now? Should I fill the pool with cash or with coins? Do you want me to polish your shoes while I do that for you?" They have buildings named after them, companies built entirely because of their own entrepreneurship. These guys are always used to winning at the business table. But, unfortunately for them, they've come head-to-head with a group of people that are just as cocky and motivated as them.

Basketball players are generally the most self-absorbed people in the world. Look at LeBron James or Shaquille O'Neal. These guys refer to themselves in the third person and get hailed every day by the media. Then, when they get on the court, the ball is in their hands during the crucial moments of the game. They're always "the guy". Nobody is more annoying than the guy on the basketball court who will never pass; NBA players are all those guys. They're ball-hogs, but in the NBA it comes down to who can hog the ball the most.

So when it comes to negotiating in a board room, the owners have to bargain with self-entitled, by and large undereducated athletes who have been just as praised as them throughout the course of their entire lives. Not only that, but they are also facing the biggest competitors in the world. These players are not going to just take a slap in the face and say "one more, please!" No. They're going to fight until they get what they want. Oh, and they will get what they want.

Lebron James is first and foremost, a
businessman
The prime element of contention - the BRI (Basketball Related Income) - is over a matter of percentage points. However, those small percentage points? They value in at about $100 million dollars per percent, per season. For those of you at home counting, that's a lot of money. So, obviously the BRI is a huge point of argumentation in this battle over who gets more out of the booming business that is professional basketball. Last year, the players had a 57-43 split. The owners now want a 51-49 split; that's a six point swing.

In a world where money doesn't come easy, the owners want to make sure they aren't losing any and, likewise, the players' livelihoods depend on their bi-weekly paychecks. Ironically, the league is now losing games, which results with both sides losing money. Now I'm no business major, but this seems pretty darn stupid right? At this point, the owners are driving a hard bargain, but I'd like to see where they're at in 7 months and they've lost millions of dollars in revenue.

In my opinion, the players can handle not getting paid one year of their salaries just as much as the owners can. Where I think the players have an advantage is that their losses in money are not as daunting as those of the owners. Sure, relatively their losses are probably about the same, but things seem a lot bigger when they've got a couple extra zeros next to them don't they?

Once the owners see that their business is losing millions and millions and millions of dollars, they'll realize that the players are not simpletons who don't understand how to negotiate. NBA players negotiate every day, back and forth, back and forth on the basketball court, and eventually, after 48 minutes a winner is declared. Players know that games are not lost in the first quarter, but won in the fourth. The owners aren't going to get a deal from the players now - the players aren't that desperate. They know that they can recuperate, gather their strength, drink some G2 and head back out to try and narrow the margin.

Currently, we find ourselves with about 3:42 left in the first quarter. The owners and players threw their starters in, had their first round of meetings and ultimately their deadline for a deal came and went. The subs are coming in to finish off the quarter without damaging their team's chances too much. The second quarter will begin when they start having big meetings and discussions again, probably around the end of November when the possibility of losing those ever-valuable Christmas Day games comes up.

The NFL was smart; they took a booming business model and refined it and made it better so they could make even more money. Guess what? Nobody even remembers the NFL Lockout now, because the season is going on. The fans don't care what happens behind the scenes money-wise; we just want to be entertained when the alternate option is trimming the bushes in our backyard or taking a trip to Costco. Do you remember what people were saying when the Lockout was going on? "What am I going to do with my Sundays?"

That's what is really important to the fans. We want to watch the sports that entertain us. The NBA players and owners don't realize this. People are angry right now because of the Lockout, but when February rolls around and Kevin Love is tweeting about eating Sonic in LA, then the fans will get angry. People will move on, as evidenced by our one-second memory in society today. Just ask Lil' Kim how easy it is to fall from grace. When people stop caring, they find something else to care about. And trust me, they won't be so quick to come back if you violate their trust.

Violation. That's kind of what this lockout feels like to me. I feel like I've been strip-searched by the NBA. There has been no discussion or mention of the fans in this whole crappy process. What the players and owners really care about is money. Cold hard cash. They don't see the fans for who we are, but what we bring to them (I sound like a 23-year old girl going through a mid-life crisis...) We bring money in droves, and we've filled their coffers until they've run full of the gold that we've provided them. And now they're arguing about how they're going to divvy OUR money up? All the while they don't even mention US once? Am I the only one who finds this to be completely ludicrous?

I used to be a Timberwolves season-ticket holder. I went to nearly every game. I was as passionate a 9-year old fan as there could be. I've spent so much of my own money and time just to watch the NBA. How have I been repaid? With a big "eff you". The NBA doesn't care about me, and it doesn't care about you.

Players vs. Owners? Who wins? Who cares. I don't give a dang about who gets to have the biggest slice of the pie. All I want to do is watch the pie in the oven, see the crust rise and steam as it's taken out. Right now, the Food Network (NBA TV) is showing reruns of Paula Dean and Rachael Ray. Sure, it's fun to watch an old $40 a Day every once in a while, but it's nothing like a new suspenseful episode of Iron Chef America. This NBA Lockout is far from delish, as double-R would say, and when we still aren't watching basketball in April, I'll be the one saying "I told you so."


I'm not going to get my hopes up. I don't have any respect for these people, other than the poor guys who are making the minimum of $625K a year. Oh wait, that's still 5 times what my whole household's income is, and my parents aren't paid to sit on a bench and go clubbing on off-days. If my parents can do it with what they're making, then these NBA players should be doing just fine. So let me revise that: I don't have any respect for any of these money-grubbing jerks who think that their fecal matter smells like Febreze.

In the end, this whole thing's going to end with a 51-49 split in favor of the players, and the fans are going to get 0% of the games and 0% of the BRI. We might see a shortened season, but in all reality, these losers don't care how many games they play as long as the percentages are in their favor.

To be completely honest, I'll probably have forgotten about this whole lockout by next year when Ricky Rubio is dishing out some hot assists - but there will always be a scar left by a year without the NBA.

All in all, it's really not about the money; or at least it shouldn't be. It should be about basketball. Isn't that what the league's for? It's called the National Basketball League, not the National Money League. The fans want to watch basketball. Hey, NBA, just cut your "losses" and give the people who drive your business what they want. I am a basketball fan, and I am offering David Stern this ultimatum: let me watch some basketball, or this relationship is over.



- Chris is a high school senior in Seattle, Washington. Originally from Minneapolis, Minnesota, he has been following sports since he was a toddler. He bleeds Blue and White, Green and Silver, and Maroon and Gold. An avid Colts fan, he strives to be mediocre at everything he does, while trying his hardest not to excel in anything concrete. His references to pop culture and sports are generally inaccurate and irrelevant, and his sports IQ is at about a 50 (borderline nonexistent). Oh yeah, and he's a great guy.

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